Today is the feast day of my adopted patron saint, St. Martha, and I wanted to write something in honor of her.
I pray with the passages regarding Martha and Mary a lot, both Luke 10 and John 11. I try to figure out which one of their characters I take on at different points in my life. For a while, I was definitely in a Martha phase. Doing, doing, doing, and sometimes forgetting to just be, but often doing the necessary actions to bring about change.
This summer, especially during FOCUS staff training, I finally related to Mary more for the first time in my life. I sat at the feet of Jesus, too exhausted to do anything else, and finally just spent some time listening to what He was trying to say.
But today was something different entirely.
Here I am, sitting and wondering if today was a Mary day or a Martha day, and nothing was coming up. Let’s just say I did not have a productive day today, so I very quickly ruled out Martha. But my prayer today wasn’t great either. I’ve kind of just been dumping all of my issues at the feet of Jesus and running away
scared before He has a chance to respond.
Who does that leave?
I’m dead in a cave.
AND PRAISE GOD.
I’ve been dead for four days, so you know I’m super dead. Not just sleeping. Not just sick. I am hella dead.
And because of this incredible death that has taken over my entire being, there is literally nothing I can do. I cannot just “wake up”, I can’t just demand that there aren’t any issues to deal with here, thankyouverymuch, I can’t push aside the things that are bothering me. I can’t do ANYTHING.
…And Jesus wept.
He hates to see me like this, completely stagnant and paralyzed by what’s going on around me.
I know that He’s outside my cave calling me forth, just as He did for Lazarus, and I’m praying that He takes a few steps closer to this giant rock that has been rolled in front of my rotting body so that I can hear Him more clearly.
Only He can change anything about my current state, and I am so glad that I have a God who doesn’t leave that burden upon me, because obviously that doesn’t really work out for me.
I pray that anyone experiencing a similar (or completely different) sort of “death” can open their hearts to the call of Jesus to come forth and live.
Praise God that He’s the one who enacts change in our hearts and that we’re not left to do this for ourselves.