How many blog posts can I title after songs? Should we play a game where I see how many songs I can get stuck in your head? Maybe another day.
This week has been
a little rough. When you ask God for opportunities to grow in humility, He gives them in abundance.
On Monday, for the first time in my entire life, I had to ask for an extension on a project for a class. It’s the project I mentioned in yesterday’s post – planning out my entire death and funeral. It’s for a gerontology course I’m taking as an elective – Death & Dying. I love this class and I have a wonderful instructor. I want to put real effort and care into this project, and I know I cannot do that in the next two days.
There is an appointed time for everything… (Ecclesiastes 3)
Sometimes, then, there is a time for failure. There is a time for losing. There is a time for feeling weak, desperate, and lost. This is one of those times.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh…
I’m so grateful for the people in my life who understand this. Sometimes I’m the one people come to for a good cry, and I love being that person. Sometimes I’m the one who needs a shoulder to cry on. I’m especially grateful for my roommate Meghan and her most recent blog post and for letting me cry it out to her for a few minutes last night. [Go read her blog – she’s an incredible writer!]
A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces…
I drove to Target tonight crying in the car that I didn’t have someone there to hug me. I want to be reminded that I’m cared for, that I’m respected, that I’m loved, but sometimes I need to look beyond physical gestures to other things – people genuinely asking how I am, others offering their time and help, a simple “thank you”, a teacher actually caring enough about my mental well-being to let me turn in my project late.
A time of war, and a time of peace…
I’m at war with myself. I want to do everything and be everyone. I cannot. I’m at war with time, and how little I have of it and my lack of control over it.
I propose a personal addition to this scripture passage:
A time to work, and a time to rest.
A time to serve, and a time to ask for help.
A time to give, and a time to receive.
A time to be optimistic, and a time to be realistic.
A time to grow, and a time to recognize your limitations.
A time for coasting by, and a time for final exams and projects.
A time to care about your personal hygiene, and a time to go five days without showering and not even realize it.
A time to eat an actual dinner, and a time to eat popcorn and ice cream and call it a meal.
This image of an exasperated angel is now hanging on a wall at our Newman Center. I find it hilarious, but it’s also a pretty accurate reflection of how I’ve been looking at God lately. Instead of thanking Him for these opportunities to grow, I’ve been whining, complaining, moping, and mostly insisting that I HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
I’m hoping and praying that through the recognition that I can’t do it all, that I need help, that I need mercy, that I need Jesus, that maybe I can move back from a time of eating cookies for dinner to a time where I can responsibly balance the things I have going on.
A time for wishing, and a time for hoping.
A time for hoping, and a time for making changes.